Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Welcome . . . to the Twilight Zone!

Sometimes, I truly feel like I am living in some weird, messed up dream.  I got home from work today a little after 5:00, and although hubby's vehicle was in the driveway, the front door was locked.  My first thought: he never got up today.  Wouldn't be the first time.  Yup, he was sound asleep, and the dog was desperate to get out, as she hadn't been out for 12 straight hours.

After I ate dinner (again, by myself), I realized his box of pills was still in the living room, untouched for the whole day.  Mind you, he has pills to take at 4 different times throughout the day, and they are supposed to be taken on time.  I took them into the bedroom, then woke him up and made sure he took them (yes, this is one of those things that really pisses me off!).  When I questioned why he was still in bed, he "explained" that he got up at some point today, then fell and hit his head.  So he went back to bed.  When I asked him if his head hurt, had a bump on it, or if he had a concussion, he told me no, but couldn't really explain why he felt it necessary to sleep the whole day away.  He then went back to sleep and slept for a couple more hours.  He is just getting up now as I am winding down for bed, and of course the TV went on the moment he got to the living room.  Most likely, he will be parked in front of it all night, while I run the fan in my room so I can sleep and not have to hear the TV.

My thought right now is that I have gotten so used to this, I just go with it when it happens.  I enjoy the quiet when he is in bed, but also get really angry that he hasn't even bothered to let out the dog or take his pills.  I gave up fighting his ever-worsening, crazy non-schedule years ago.  It definitely got much worse after the kidney transplant.  Is it the meds, his depression, being on disability and having no deadlines anymore, or has he just given up?  I have no idea, and his doctors have given few if any answers to this. 

What I do know is that I rarely plan outings that include him anymore, as it often doesn't pan out with either his wacky non-schedule or the way he feels on any given day.  It is just so much easier to do whatever it is on my own.  Yes, it makes me sad to admit that, but I still have things I want to do, and places I want to see.  Sadly, I usually do these things without him now . . .


  1. This was starting to sound like my day! My hubby has a hard time with balance and staying awake. Has hit his head, knocked himself out, gone low, and anything else you can imagine, while i am at work. Oh the joys!

  2. Lilly,
    so after my day, and my complaints
    and the reading your blog
    I feel bad
    because in comparison
    Tom isn't so bad
    but then again
    he is so close to being "good" (is that the right word?)
    that it makes me angry that he isn't

    he looked at me with those sad eyes tonight
    saying he didn't understand why this episode happened

    on one hand I get that
    but on the other hand
    I think he needs to ask for help
    and if one source doesn't provide it
    maybe he needs to keep asking

    then again
    if the medical industry really refused to address the problems,
    then what is he/we to do?

    I just don't know

    is this the underside/hidden side of diabetes?

  3. I'm so sorry Lilly. I don't even know what to say.

    Love, S

  4. Tom's Wife,
    You don't need to feel bad! Sounds like your night is a really hard one. It almost sounds as if Tom is keeping himself too close to "normal" glucose levels, in an effort to prevent other problems, and lows can be scary, probably more so for us than them, as we remember it. I have felt very frustrated as far as the medical profession goes. Does he see an endocrinologist regularly? That might help. No matter how you cut it, diabetes is a really awful disease.
    Hang in there,