Monday, August 27, 2012

My New Blog

Well, I have finally taken the leap and created a new "Starting Over" blog.  Here is the link, for those of you who would like to follow it:

Here's hoping there is still life after leaving . . . actually, I know there is! :-)

I am still tweaking the settings on it, as I don't remember everything I did to set up this one.  

Also, Diabetes Wife (please and thank you):

I know you had written quite some time ago about saving and printing your posts from your blog, as a record to keep for yourself.  Do you have any helpful hints for me on how to do this?  Since I no longer have to hide what I'm doing from hubby, I would really like to have a hard copy of this complicated journey.  Thinking it may be a good reminder!  



Sunday, August 26, 2012

Thank you, Tom's Wife!

Tom's Wife recently posted:

Thinking of Lilly

Hi Lilly
Today I was thinking of you (not sure why -- just did)
Hoping you are doing ok as you have made some big changes in your life in the last several months
You and DW got me started on this venture of blogging
and I am very grateful

you are a true role model -- if one were to read back through your old posts

one would read how much you have given (physically, emotionally, and everything else)
and then you realized that there was a limit

You tried so hard to make it work

but it takes two!

Tom and I had such a great afternoon yesterday

my situation is very different that yours
am I lucky?
am I at a different point and it will get worse later?
is it something else?

no one can tell

but this I know -- in my heart

you, Lilly, are a smart, strong, giving person

and I wish you the very best

Take good care...

Tom's Wife,
Again, thank you so much for "getting it," and not thinking less of me for making the decision to leave.  As it is, everyone close to our situation understands exactly why I am no longer living at home.  I am the one who still fears that some will think I left just because he was sick.  Thinking I need to get over myself about this, but on bad days I feel "broken," and I do still feel guilty.   However, I am no longer willing to be his verbal punching bag . . . although I do still worry about him.  Sadly, I can't fix him, and I am done trying.  On the rare occasions that we still speak, he will always tell me about his latest predicament or ailment, or that he "fell again" yesterday . . . why won't he use one of the 3 walkers that he has???   His bids for sympathy just make me angry, as it has gotten so old, and he seems to think that this will make me feel so sorry for him that I'll come back.

On good days, I am excited about the new start I am making.    I am not into the upstairs apartment I have been working on yet, but it is really starting to shape up.  It has been fun to carry out some of my ideas, and know that this is a space that is truly mine.  In the meantime, the camper meets most of my needs, even if it is a bit cramped.  As long as I can make my move before the snow flies, I will be happy.  Other things that I am enjoying: 

- Living peacefully, with no one screaming at me
- Freedom to do what I want when I want, with no negative comments
- Socializing with no fear of being embarrassed in public by his inappropriate behavior
- Bit by bit, I am working on rediscovering who I really am, as now I have the freedom to do that

So yes, I still struggle with conflicting feelings, but am growing stronger day by day.  Thank you everyone for your positive comments and support.  Hopefully, I have helped some of you on your own journey, whatever that may be.