Thursday, December 30, 2010

Depression, or . . . ?

Another day of sleeping all day for hubby.  I don't understand how he can do this.  I think he went to bed about 3 or 4:00 this morning, and is still not up at 9:00 tonight.  Woke up long enough to take his pills when I brought them to him . . . again! At this point, chances are good he will sleep all night and hopefully get up tomorrow.  I'm not sure if this is a side effect of all the meds he is taking, or if it is depression.  My guess is a combination of the two.  At any rate, he doesn't seem overly concerned about it, and at times almost boasts to his doctors that I "let" him sleep all day! 

Have gone to countless doctors, psychiatrists, etc., and no one seems to really put a name to it.  Maybe because they don't know, either?  Don't know if antidepressants he is taking are making it worse.  At the same time, I got a lot done today, without the grousing over nothing I got from him yesterday.  So . . . do I feel glad I had a day of peace, or concerned that he is sleeping his life away? 

At any rate, I had to move to my own bedroom quite some time ago, as the weird hours and his jerking and kicking kept me awake.  I couldn't stay awake/function at work anymore.   All of this makes me so sad, as I really wish that we could enjoy doing more things together, instead of almost always apart.   At this point, even when things are going all right, I find I am on guard, as I don't know what will touch him off, and whether his sugar is high or low.  I am thankful that I have work, good friends, and so many interests that I am able to pursue on my own, or I don't know what I would do! 

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Please help me find your blog

Any of you who are following me out there, if you are dealing with similar issues and have a blog about it, please share your URLs (internet addresses) with me.  If we can support each other, all the better!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Post-Christmas crash

Hubby slept from about 4 A. M. this morning until 7:30 P. M., when he finally got up.  He is now parked in front of the TV, where he will probably stay all night.  When given the choice, it is almost as if he prefers to have his daylight and night hours mixed up.  As for me, I had a nice quiet day for the most part!  I am now in my basement "woman cave," which has become more and more of a necessity for me, as I can get away from it all. 

He managed to more or less hold it together through the weekend, although his sugar was well over 300 on Christmas day, which meant he talked very loudly non-stop most of the day.  No one else could get a word in edge-wise.  I was exhausted just dealing with the non-stop loud babbling.  Didn't want it to escalate into a fight, so after quietly asking him to stop talking so much and getting absolutely nowhere, I gave up.  So many holidays are like this, with the different foods, etc.  He almost always underestimates the insulin he needs for all the goodies he thinks he has to consume.

It has been interesting with his "falling" because of the spinal stenosis: when people were visiting, he managed not to fall the whole time.  Makes me wonder if his dramatic falls are partially his bid to get more attention from me.  I hate to think this, but do have to wonder.   

I did briefly wake him up in the early afternoon, as he had taken NO meds yet.  This angers me greatly, as we have had many heated discussions about him being more responsible with his medications.  After all, I did give him his transplanted kidney, and really don't want to see him lose it to rejection!  He seems to think it's my job (at least when I'm home) to make sure he takes them!  God knows when he takes his meds when I am not home.  He screamed out in pain (his back) when he moved just a little in bed.  Again, have to wonder if he's being over-dramatic to make a point, as he doesn't do that either when people are over, or we are out.   

Thursday, December 23, 2010

More trouble walking

Things have been okay the last few days, with no angry outbursts.  Nice to have the peace at home with Christmas approaching.  However, hubby has had more and more trouble with dizziness and/or falling.  Not sure how much is spinal stenosis and his legs giving out, and how much (at least the dizziness) is caused by circulation problems.  He has already contacted the VA about getting a wheeled walker with the seat.  I know it's getting bad for him, to admit he needs the walker!  Really concerned, not only for him, but also for me . . . and also feeling selfish for feeling this way.  How long will it be before I can no longer leave him alone for extended periods of time?  He has talked to more than one doctor about possible surgery to fix the stenosis, and no one wants to touch him because of all his other health problems. 

Sunday, December 19, 2010

First post, or sleeping all day, up all night

I have been reading 3 blogs of wives of diabetics for awhile, especially Wife of a Diabetic.  Diabetes Wife, you changed my life, as I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one who was struggling with this crazy life.  It is my hope that this blog may help others, and that I will also get input from others going through similar circumstances.

When left to his own devices, my husband has literally been staying up all night, and sleeping all day.  What's with that?  He says he is in so much pain from his spinal stenosis, that he can't get to sleep when he would like.  Most days if I am home, I let him sleep, as at least then I don't have to deal with the sugar highs and lows, both of which make him very nasty/verbally cruel towards me.  Am I horrible, to actually enjoy the days he stays in bed?

I never know when the outbursts are going to happen.  As Crazy Wife mentions, how are you supposed to know when it is okay to talk to your husband???  I was informed by him the other day that when I "know" he is high, I should know better than to question anything he does!  Things will be going along okay, when suddenly, bam!  He is out there and screaming at me for something that makes no sense.  I am starting to feel like a kicked dog.  Don't enjoy going on trips with him anymore, as his mobility is an issue when we are out of the car, and his screaming at me when I am trying to drive is even worse . . .