Saturday, April 2, 2011

A "Normal" Couple?

Diabetes Wife wrote (in part) the other day:

"I just don't feel like we are a "normal" couple anymore. OK, when we got married, we were. But then he went on insulin. And he decided not to manage his diabetes. But now he is doing a pretty good job of managing it. But with all the other complications....we don't have sex. Is that normal? We don't go to the movies and that used to be a weekly thing we did. We don't go out to eat and we used to do that almost every day. We still love each other very much, but we have given up so much to accomodate his disease. And yes, I do go to the movies with my girlfriends, and I go out to lunch with them. But as a couple.....he and I are a far cry from "normal" and it is due to diabetes and all of it's complications after his body has lived with this disease for 33 years.'s good to laugh at what others write about our lives." 

I have thought a lot about this, and in fact posted similar feelings the same day she wrote this.  (See my last post: Welcome . . . to the Twilight Zone!)  I totally understand what she is saying.  Sometimes, it is just so hard.  I so miss the good times we used to have before things got so crazy . . .

Today, I am just exhausted.  Hubby has been running border-line low all day (in the 80's, despite anything he has eaten, etc.).  There have been no big blow-ups, but he has talked non-stop ALL DAY LONG, misunderstood things, and been semi-argumentative . . . all this while we also had company over at the same time.  Yes, it was a family member, thank goodness, but between dealing with the non-stop (LOUD!) babble and having other people in the house, I feel like I've been run over by a steam roller.  I had looked forward to a peaceful Saturday when this person called to come over.  The thing is, it would have been fine if hubby had been on an even keel.  This sounds terrible, but I was so relieved when he finally fell asleep on the couch after they left.  And now I feel guilty for feeling this way.  Just wondering: does anyone else out there get REALLY LOUD when sugars are out of whack?  I feel almost shell-shocked by the time it is over, and he will NOT tone it down, no matter how many times I ask.

Peace at last, but it also won't be too long before bed time for me.  So, I am in my basement "woman cave," just enjoying the quiet and trying to "chill out" so that I can hopefully sleep tonight.  Thinking maybe I need another glass of wine . . .     


  1. I am in the same situation. My marriage and relationship have sacrificed many things (I am sure I don't need to be specific) due to the diabetes and neuropathy pain. It is very hard but I just remind myself everyday that no one is at fault.

  2. I like the idea of a "woman cave". I miss having a basement. In my part of the country basements are not practical. I take that back, they would be VERY practical when the wild winds attempt to pick up and take away every thing in their paths. Alas, basements are rare here.

    It didn't sound at all terrible to me that you were relieved when he fell asleep. Why should you feel guilty for enjoying some peace?

    Luckily for me DH hasn't been LOUD in a few weeks. He's been doing what he needs to for his type-2 and so far so good.

    However, he has lied to me. He's still not testing. The guy either doesn't know his meter stores his past tests or doesn't realize I know his meter stores past tests.

    Therefore, I have no idea if he's low when monster jerk shows up or he's just an incredibly mean high sugar kind of guy. I've yet to find the magic word to get him to stop and start playing nicely with others.

    As far as I'm cocnerned...another glass of wine is never a bad idea!

    Love, S

  3. Mine doesn't get loud, but talks crazy
    you have nothing to feel guilty about
    he should feel guilty if anything
    since he is the one not taking care of himself
    and putting you in that situation

    when mine goes low, his legs get sweaty, his eyes get glassy, and he can't tell me his mother's birthday (that's a question I learned to ask) :)

  4. there is no such thing as "normal"
    we all know that
    but being "married to diabetes" is a challenge all of its own
    and it is so exhausting!
    For Lilly, and DW, and all of us
    sometimes, I just want to cry
    we have lost so much to this disease