Friday, February 4, 2011

Welcome to a new blog reader!

I got 2 lengthy comments from "ellefsonsk" (Ellie) yesterday.  It was actually one entry, but she ran out of room to say all she needed to.  I have posted it here in its entirety, so that it will not be "lost" just in the comments, as her story is worth telling, and not "too long" at all.  Welcome!  Hope that this blog and others will be a source of information and strength to you, and anyone else who happens to find it.  By the way, Wife of a Diabetic gave me the strength and courage to start my own blog, as she let me and so many others know that we are not alone!  The following is actually addressed to all of us out there who are blogging away about our crazy lives . . .

ellefsonsk has left a new comment on your post "Fighting my own depression":

Dearest wives--my Mother sent me this feed and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate having somewhere to see that I am really not as alone as I thought...this post may be too long for you to read and that's ok, I just need to have somewhere I can say what is in my heart...
I am 44 and married to my second husband who has been Type I diabetic for 40 years (he's 53). I learned quickly how to help during the lows and to calculate the insulin needed plus make sure a potty was close by for the highs--the pump helped some when he got that some years ago. I had no idea the path our lives would take and do not recognize this man I am now married to, nor do I recognize myself.
11 years ago we decided to try and have a baby together--I have a daughter from my 1st marriage and her father is a total deadbeat. My husband was an awesome dad and we entered that journey--ended up with infertility due to diabetes and used a sperm donor. After many months we did conceive and were filled with great joy! At that time my husband stated having lots of stomach trouble--severe diarrhea and heartburn. On the same day we got to see our beautiful little boy on the ultrasound for the first time we were told that my husband had cancer. They removed 98% of his stomach and didn't need to do chemo or anything else so thought we were in the clear...the post-op infections began and nearly killed him. I was pregnant and living in another state from all of our family. With numerous hospital stays and constant IV's that I did at home he got better and went back to work after 4 months. His employer promptly fired him for failing to keep up his charting--he was a therapist. Tough to do when you're not there but nevertheless it was terrifying. We lost our home, our dignity and too much to list and came back to our home state where he was able to get an even better position. After 5 years there he developed a yet another very rare diabetic complication called autonomic neuropathy. His BP crashes--bad! December of 2009 he got up in the morning, BP dropped to 50/30 and he passed out and broke his hip on our kitchen floor, in front of our little boy. We have had 13 hip surgeries to date and the passing out issue is every day. He falls constantly and I pick him up or catch him as much as I can. Our son ended up in therapy because he thought it was his fault--he was 9. My husband has had to retire from his job because of medical issues despite little retirement and still having 2 kids at home. We will never recover from the financial strain--doesn't seem like a strong enough word--is financial terror acceptable? From our 5 bedroom house we now live in a mobile home that is falling apart and no one but me to try and do everything.
Must continue on another post....
Sorry wives--just had to get it all out and too long...
Last week our son came home from school to find his Dad unconscious on the floor while I was working at my part-time job--with a college degree, it is all I can afford to be away from him. Little guy knew enough to test his blood sugar--it was 27. Happens alot when I am not here to remind him or do it myself.
I have a very strong faith and know that God has gotten me through all of this and yes, I usually am the one with a smile and some how find the strength to laugh about it all but just feel so sad, angry and resentful all the time. At 44 I know my life is over--for the next 30 years I will have to take care of my husband in every way.
I read the comment about sex going away and can certainly relate to that--not sure I'd have the energy anyway. Our latest issue is incontinence--every time my husband lays down, he loses control of his bladder so I spend most of the night changing depends, sheets and underwear. I know how hard that is for him but he falls down if he tries to do it himself and he is scratched and bruised from the bathroom floor so I do this as quietly as possible and without complaint to try and help him with the emotional aspect of that condition. Urologist can't seem to tell us anything...
Thank you ladies, from the very bottom of my heart for giving me a place to vent and to not feel so all alone.
God Bless You.


  1. ele,
    My heart goes out to you...and welcome aboard! HUGS

  2. Elle (I will call you this for short),
    Here I am, commenting on your post that I posted! You have an almost impossible situation to deal with, and I can only imagine how hard it must be. After re-reading your post, I am wondering: Is he getting some kind of disability compensation since he can't work, and would it be possible to get someone to come in (possibly through Medicaid or Medicare, so you would not have to bear the expense?) to be with him so that you can be away for longer periods of time with work, etc.? We are very lucky that my husband gets compensation, and it is just the 2 of us. So far I have been able to work full time, although sometimes that is hard, as I sometimes have to take him to doctor's appointments that are too far away for him to safely drive. Remember this during the tough times: you are a beautiful, strong woman!

  3. Sorry, my name is Ellie...should have said that. You cannot know how much having someone "out there" helps. We did get an answer to the incontinence. Seems that his last artificial hip (gone thru 3!) has moved and broken a screw and is now into his pelvis. We have to go to a higher medical facility in our state and they are talking about amputating his entire leg, hip and possibly part of the pelvis that has been damaged. It seems that when he lays down, the ball part of the joint pushes his bladder and is wreaking havoc. I do not know what to do. He will be using a wheelchair after the surgery for the rest of his life and our mobile home is too small for him to even get into a bathroom. Does anyone have any suggestions about how to get out of a home and into one that will accomodate a wheelchair when your credit has long since collapsed with all of the catastrophes? Funny, I have friends writing to Oprah to ask for help...somehow I don't think that's gonna work.

  4. Hello Lilly,

    I have been following your blog for the past couple of days due to a discussion with my future mother-in-law about my fiance's type 1. I am in need of some community to vent and learn from other wives who are going through this. I am on wordpress, is there any way I can follow by email?


  5. Kelsey,
    If there is way to do it, I'm not sure how . . . sorry! I wish you the best with your fiance. If you have been reading my blog, you know that it a very hard, long, road. Please check out some of the other blogs I am following.