Christmas "Adventure"

We got through the Christmas holidays . . . some of it good, some of it crazy.  Kind of "normal," I guess!  Hubby still overdosed on Christmas cookies, but I was with friends for much of it, which was not a bad thing.  Christmas day, we were all together with family, and it was a good day.  We had taken separate vehicles to my brother's, as there was not room for everyone plus gifts in one vehicle.  Hubby left for home first, with me following a little later.  Halfway home, I got the phone call . . .

Hubby had gotten in an accident with his truck, trying to avoid deer that ran across the road.  He ended up in a very deep ditch, and couldn't open the doors to get out.  He swears that he was airborne for a moment, when he hit a driveway, and then narrowly missed a telephone pole before landing in the ditch.  Oh, and the underside of the truck also caught fire, which he wasn't even aware of, as he called for help.  Fortunately, some "good Samaritan" neighbors came along, recognized what was going on, and helped him climb out the window.

By the time I got there, there were flashing lights everywhere: ambulance, fire and police.  Very scary.  We spent the evening in the emergency room, but he was sent home with only bruises.  It could have been so much worse . . . thankfully, it was not.  The truck is a mess, but hopefully fixable. 

He is now very sore, and not wanting to drive.  I think he scared himself.  Low blood sugar was not an issue this time, but he said his foot slipped off the brake, and hit the accelerator instead . . . maybe because of his spinal stenosis?  Was he aware that he was hitting the accelerator?  I think he's wondering if he should be driving anymore.  Good question . . . should he be?  And what happens if he can't?

Post Thanksgiving

I sincerely hope that everyone had a good Thanksgiving.  My hubby was there for ours.  Is anybody surprised?  He began the day by crashing to the kitchen floor when he got his foot tangled up in his pant leg.  Of course, he informed me that the walker wouldn't have helped prevent that fall, either. 

I had had a discussion with him before the "big blow-up," and had asked him to please monitor his blood sugar very carefully for the holiday, as it is always an issue, and he normally gets nasty when it goes sky-high from eating too much of everything.  I shared with him how this trashes the day.  I think he tried, and we got through the day with no craziness.  I did sit at a different table from him with our friends, as we needed 2 to accommodate everyone. 

I am still not talking that much to him, although he is acting as if nothing happened.  Par for the course.  I have now learned how to check the readings on his glucose testing meter.  The day the blow-up happened, his blood sugars appeared to be in the realm of normal . . .

It was a good day with friends and family.  Thank God for that. 

Happy Freaking Thanksgiving

Went to 5 different places after work tonight, getting odds and ends for Thanksgiving dinner.  Having lots of family and friends over, and I was feeling pretty good about it, as I got everything I need, and looking forward to spending the holiday with people that I love.  I am just pulling out of the last store I had to stop at . . .  

Then I get the phone call.  He asks me to pick up a sub for him for dinner.  I respond (hesitantly, while thinking of the ice cream that's now melting in the back seat) with, "I guess I could . . ." and he cuts me off with, "Well, with that attitude, just forget about it.  I'll get something myself!"  I ask him what attitude, and he continues to rant.  Mind you, he's been home all day, he has a whole refrigerator cram-packed full of food, and he says there's nothing to eat.  Maybe because there's no junk in there?  I finally give up trying to talk to him, as he isn't making any sense and is being very nasty with no reason.  The yelling continues after I get home, and I yell back this time, telling him he needs to check his sugar, and he is way over the top with the way he is acting.  The accusations from him just escalate, as he brings up everything he can think of that I have or haven't done that has pissed him off for the past several months.  Wow, how do I even respond to that? Of course, he is always right, and I am always wrong. :-(  I am so, so tired of always being "the one" who has somehow wronged him.  He always thinks his behavior is just fine!  I did not deserve this crap tonight!

He also informed me that he will not "be there" for Thanksgiving dinner Thursday.  At that point, I responded with, "That's awesome," which I don't think was the response he was going for!  I wanted to ask him where he was going for dinner, since we are having Thanksgiving at our house?  Happy freaking Thanksgiving.

I am now in the basement, in my "woman cave," trying to de-stress.  At least it's quiet down here.

Cheers,

Lilly

Spinal Stenosis and Walkers?

Almost every day when I get home, my husband greets me with another story about how he fell "again," and shows me the bruises.  He now has 3 walkers, and refuses to use any of them.  When I ask him why he doesn't use a walker to prevent the falls, I always get a response that goes something like this: "I can't use the walker for this problem.  It doesn't help, or keep me from falling."  I am really having a hard time swallowing this, as 2 of the walkers have seats on them that allow him to sit down if he gets into trouble.  I'm also (forgive me) getting tired of hearing the same old story, as I feel he could do something to prevent the falls.  I'm really beginning to wonder (not for the first time) if he just enjoys the attention he thinks his "falling stories" will get him.  He doesn't normally fall when we go out.

Anyone out there: if you know anything about spinal stenosis and whether or not walkers can help, I would be very interested in hearing your views.  This is driving me crazy.

Response to Anonymous with Diabetic Wife

Anonymous commented on a post from awhile back on "Why Do I Stay?"  I have brought it forward from the comments section so that it doesn't get "lost" as comments so often do:

"Ive been married to my wife who has type 1 for a little over a year now. I've always struggled with her extreme moodiness and other issues (long before marriage) but suppose I have been naive to think they might change for the better (we are even in counseling). Some days are great but others are ugly. Trying my best to not let the ugly days out number the great ones but sometimes it seems impossible. Right now we don't have any kids or huge financial situations tying us together but I do take my marriage vow very seriously and feel guilty leaving someone with a chronic illness. On the other hand I don't know if I can put up with her extreme moodiness (especially if it becomes more frequent) let alone how to deal with kids and this situation? Decisions, Decisions? Thanks for posting your thought process coming from a somewhat similar situation."

Dearest Anonymous,

Thank you for your responses.  It is kind of rare that we get men with diabetic wives commenting on here, and it's good to be reminded that this world of diabetes can go both ways.

I have tried counseling with my hubby, to no good end. It always ends up badly, as he thinks the counselors, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and even doctors don't like him and are ganging up on him, and he usually starts yelling.  There have been a couple of lucid times when he "gets it" for the moment, but unfortunately it never lasts.  What happens is the minute anyone challenges his messed-up thinking, he goes on the defensive, and has to somehow make it their fault. It has been very disheartening, and has made it hard for me to hope for anything to change for the better.  I ask myself almost every day how long I can do this.  I am truly sorry to be so negative, as I know you are searching for answers.

As far as kids: I have always been very grateful that we don't have children together. My son was out of the house before we got married, and my spouse never had children.  Personally, I can't even imagine bringing kids into this situation, but I also know some of my younger readers do have children and/or are trying to have them.  Any comments on raising children with a diabetic spouse would be appreciated.

In the meantime, Anonymous, enjoy your kayaking (which you mentioned in another comment).  It helps . . . just be careful!

Take care,

Lilly

"A Diabetic Spouse" now open to invited readers only?

This post is really to Sandy, as I don't know how else to reach you.  Just tried to read some of your posts (I have been "away" for awhile!), and apparently your blog is now open to only "invited" readers?  Hope everything is okay . . . :-(

Lilly

My fault . . . really?

Started the long weekend that I had so looked forward to with screams from hubby that the dog had peed all over his bedroom rug, and that it was "my fault" because I had not let her out.  The normal scheme of things (for years) is that on the weekends, I sleep in for an hour or two (which is the only time I get to do this!), and he lets out the dog, since she does sleep in his room, not mine.  When I did get up and opened the door to let her out and feed her, he yells at her to "stay right there!" and then starts yelling at me that she has peed on the rug, it's my fault, and that I need to clean it up. 

I told him to stop it because he was sounding crazy again, and that I was not cleaning up something that was not my fault.  And who in hell tells a dog to "stay" when she probably needs to go out anyway???  He then told me that I never know when to shut up!  Are you kidding me?  Honestly, I felt like packing my bags and leaving again.  A little hard, as my nephew had stayed overnight, and probably heard the whole exchange between us.  Hubby did finally clean it up much later in the afternoon when he finally decided to get out of bed. 

When I tried to discuss this with him later, his excuse for not getting up and letting her out is that he "can't walk well early in the morning!"  I am so sick of the excuses, as he has one for everything.  He then informed me that the conversation was "over."  Really?  Not for me, not by a long shot, as the dog urinated on his rug again the next morning.  His latest complaint?  His room smells like dog pee!  Gee, I wonder why?   I feel sorry for our dog, as she had to be pretty desperate to do this.  This is not her normal thing.

At least 2 positive things did happen over the weekend, though: my nephew helped me clean out all the "killer weeds" in my flower and vegetable beds, and we (nephew and I) went kayaking for several hours.  The yard looks so much nicer now, and being out on the water was wonderful.  Amazing weather, so was able to enjoy being outside.  I have every intention of enjoying it while I can.