It has been a very long time since I posted here. A lot of the reasons for that are painful reminders, as a big part of me never forgave myself for leaving my diabetic hubby . . . even though I really, really knew I couldn't stay. Despite a divorce, I still loved the man I married, even if he wasn't "there" anymore, even after almost 6 years. My ex-husband died last month . . . alone, in his own bed, (hopefully) peacefully. Thankfully, he was found that evening. I was called by his family right away, as they all understood. I have cried a lot the past several weeks, as so much has been dredged up all over again. I still remember the good times as well as the bad. I feel I lost him 3 times: to diabetes/rage/mental illness, again when I had to leave, and finally now. I didn't realize it could still hurt this much, all over again . . .