Still hanging in there after another big blow-up . . . sort of

I guess it's been 3-4 weeks since this happened, but it was just too painful to write about, and there has been no time.  On any given week, my time is at a premium.  Thankfully, I have this week off (for what it is worth!) 

Anyway, the big blow-up came at the end of an extremely busy week for me, full of meetings, an exercise class (which I have decided I need to stay sane and healthy!), and "doing" for various family members.  I hadn't come straight home from work all week, but this is a given almost every week.  Hubby knows this.  It was Friday, and I was looking forward to the weekend.  I finally got home around 8:00 after cleaning my elderly father's house and then grocery shopping.  I was exhausted.  Hubby had texted me 2 hours before, asking where I was, as I had forgotten to call him, although I had told him the day before where I would be.  I thought all was well when I walked in the door.  But it wasn't.  He made a huge deal about "waiting every day" to eat dinner with me, and not knowing where I was.  Among other things, he also griped that I did "everyone else's laundry" but his.  (I had brought home my father's laundry to wash.  Yes, I feel hubby can do his own, since he does nothing else all day.)  He would not stop yelling, and finally said that we "may as well get a divorce, if you're never going to be home!"  All because I wasn't there for dinner?  By the way, he had plenty of ready-to-eat food in the fridge that he hadn't touched.

At that point, I left with nothing but my purse.  Went to my brother's, drank lots of wine, and slept on his couch.  Went back home Saturday afternoon and checked hubby's glucose monitor.  His sugar was not "off" during his yelling spree.  He told me later he "just wanted me to know he was mad," and that if I didn't want him to yell at me when I got home from now on, that I "shouldn't talk to him."  Really?  Never?  I didn't for about 3 days, choosing to e-mail him instead so he couldn't yell at me.  To this day, I haven't gotten an apology, and I know that I never will.  I also (e-mailed) him that if he truly wanted a divorce, to just let me know, and I would make alternative living arrangements.  He tried to say that I was the one who wanted the divorce, and I (e-mailed) him back, that no, it was in his court, and he would be making that decision.  I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if I could live year-round in our camper, and also looked at real estate ads for cheap houses...

Then he decided to be "nice" to me.  I'm not sure, but I think I scared him.  His "niceness" just didn't  feel real to me.  More like a charade, maybe so I wouldn't leave again?  He was on good behavior until Easter Sunday.  I had my family over, and he kept saying diggy, unkind things about me in the form of "jokes."  Even did it with my son over the phone.  He didn't seem to notice that no one else was laughing but him. 

Lately, a camper or a cheap house is looking better and better to me.  But I am still here.  Spending a lot of time in my basement "woman cave" and outdoors as the weather gets nicer... 

Thank God for family, friends, quiet lakes (as Diabetes Wife has discovered), and long walks.  Some days, they are the only things that keep me going. 

Cheers,

Lilly

Common sense?

Jonah commented on my last post.  He has a brother with brain damage/manic depression (bipolar disorder), and made this observation about his brother:

"If he has a ridiculous idea (for example, if he tells me that I used to be purple or that he has heard dogs speaking to him) it's best to just say "wow, I had no idea" and leave it at that."

Thank you Jonah, if it is only for reminding me that I just may not be able to reason with my hubby, period.  I have wondered more than once if my husband might be bipolar, as there is some history of it in the family.  I am always one who wants things to make sense, and they so often don't with my husband.  So, if he won't/can't change (except for the worse), I guess that means I will have to?  Sometimes, it really is better to just let it go.  I try hard to remember that . . . thank God for friends who are sane!

Brain Atrophy and Type II Diabetes

Just found another study, done in Pakistan and published in 2010, that links brain atrophy and Type II Diabetes.  Here is the link:

http://www.ayubmed.edu.pk/JAMC/PAST/22-2/Ghayyur.pdf

Well worth the read.  I cannot copy/paste the text here, as it is in PDF file.

Farther down in the article, it also mentions Type 1s and similar findings, and references the article I posted about a year ago.  Here is the link for that one:

Brain Atrophy, Lesions Found in Type 1 Diabetics; May Indicate Cognitive Impairment in Diabetics Begins Early

This is scary stuff.  It seems that if you have diabetes, chances are "good" that you will also be "blessed" with brain atrophy.  It is still not totally understood why, although there are some hypotheses out there.  Given my crazy evening with hubby last night, I'm pretty sure that is what is happening to him, and also pretty sure that I have witnessed at least one "mini-stroke" or TIA, that he would NOT acknowledge or tell his doctor about.

Last night, he was just mean, nasty, yelling about some things that didn't make sense, and even threatening divorce.  I had to leave.  Spent the night at my brother's house for some much needed nurturance and peace.  Planning on returning home later today, but it is so hard . . . how do you reason with (or leave, or even stay with) someone who probably has brain damage?

On driving . . .

Going through my posts, I realize I never really said how hubby's truck accident turned out.  The truck was totaled, with 2 broken axles and a bent frame, plus other damage.  Very scary.  It is probably a miracle he survived.  He now has another truck.  However, he did not drive AT ALL until he test-drove the new-used truck.  I think he scared himself, and I know he scared me!  He is still driving, but not for very long distances.  Also, we just found out he needs cataract surgery, which may have also contributed to the accident, making it harder to see the deer.  In the meantime, if we go anywhere together, I do the driving . . . 

I'm still here!

Dear S and Anonymous (along with all my other readers),

Yes, I have been away for awhile.  Thanks for your concern, S.  I have been a little overwhelmed with all my responsibilities, both in and outside of my immediate household.  Lots of family "drama" going on, and then I come home to more!

Anonymous,
You mention that you did not leave your wife because of the diabetes, but because of the negative attitude.  I can sure relate to that.  Yesterday, my husband felt the need to text me at work just to say he was having a rotten day because he kept falling, couldn't do anything, and had decided to go back to bed.  I chose to not reply, as it sounded just about like every other day.  And he still refuses to use any of the 3 walkers that he has.  In fact, most days he goes to bed just before he knows I am going to get up (after being up all night watching television), sleeps most of the day, and then gets up just in time to drive me insane most of the evening with his negative comments, yelling at me and the dog, etc.  Oh, and also suggestions about what "we" (really meaning "me," as he does nothing) should be doing around the house.  I am not home much these days, so have fallen behind on posting. 

Guess I am just a little depressed . . . :-(  Really need some good weather so that I can go hiking and kayaking again.  It really does help.  In the meantime, I am doing some art journaling.  Have to get the frustrations out somehow!  Hope you all are in a better frame of mind than I am.

Cheers,

Lilly  

Happy New Year to all my readers

Wishing you ALL a wonderful new year.  To all of "us" who are spouses of diabetics (wives and husbands alike), and also to those of you who are diabetic, but read my blog anyway.  Many thanks to all of you who have empathized with me on these "pages," and also shared your insight.  As always, you have helped me maintain my sanity through another difficult year!  Hopefully, I have done likewise for some of you.  May we all work toward and hope for a better year . . .

Lilly

Christmas "Adventure"

We got through the Christmas holidays . . . some of it good, some of it crazy.  Kind of "normal," I guess!  Hubby still overdosed on Christmas cookies, but I was with friends for much of it, which was not a bad thing.  Christmas day, we were all together with family, and it was a good day.  We had taken separate vehicles to my brother's, as there was not room for everyone plus gifts in one vehicle.  Hubby left for home first, with me following a little later.  Halfway home, I got the phone call . . .

Hubby had gotten in an accident with his truck, trying to avoid deer that ran across the road.  He ended up in a very deep ditch, and couldn't open the doors to get out.  He swears that he was airborne for a moment, when he hit a driveway, and then narrowly missed a telephone pole before landing in the ditch.  Oh, and the underside of the truck also caught fire, which he wasn't even aware of, as he called for help.  Fortunately, some "good Samaritan" neighbors came along, recognized what was going on, and helped him climb out the window.

By the time I got there, there were flashing lights everywhere: ambulance, fire and police.  Very scary.  We spent the evening in the emergency room, but he was sent home with only bruises.  It could have been so much worse . . . thankfully, it was not.  The truck is a mess, but hopefully fixable. 

He is now very sore, and not wanting to drive.  I think he scared himself.  Low blood sugar was not an issue this time, but he said his foot slipped off the brake, and hit the accelerator instead . . . maybe because of his spinal stenosis?  Was he aware that he was hitting the accelerator?  I think he's wondering if he should be driving anymore.  Good question . . . should he be?  And what happens if he can't?