Treading water

I have been away for awhile.  So much has gone on, yet I feel like I am treading water with hubby . . .

After 3 days of silence from me, while he continued to act as if nothing had happened after the last blow-up I wrote about, he finally asked me if I was still mad.  Gee, do you think?  We actually had a good, calm discussion, in which I let him know that our marriage was in deep trouble, and that I have almost left twice in the last several months.

This scared him, at least for the moment.  He told me that when he has one of his rages, there is part of him that knows he's doing it, but he can't stop.  His brain feels as if it is "bouncing around inside his skull", and he feels very confused and angry.  He also usually has a headache which is localized to one specific spot.  At that point, consequences don't matter to him.  I let him know in no uncertain terms that I am not willing to do this forever, and that if I leave, it will be because of his unreasonable rages.  At the time, he seemed to "get it."  He also said he would be devastated if I left.  In the meantime, he has been more careful about taking his meds at the prescribed times.

Fast forward to a couple weeks later . . . my son came for a much-anticipated visit, after not being out here in over a year.  On the way to my brother's house, my son and I were talking to each other in the front seat, and hubby was sitting in the back seat, again talking extremely loud (he has now "lost" his hearing aid).  My son turned the radio up really loud, and then back down right away, but he was "messing" with his step dad a little.  Hubby got pissed.  Then one of us said something to the other (I can't for the life of me remember what it was!) and we started laughing.  Hubby said "What?" for (maybe) the 10th time, and my son responded with "Nothing."  Hubby responds with: "Well f**k you!"  Mind you, my son had not even been in our company for a whole 4 hours when this happened.  The ensuing conversation was not exactly friendly, but my son stayed out of it the best he could.  But he later asked me if he should get a hotel room!  I told him no.

Spoke to hubby the following morning without son in earshot.  Told him he was never to speak to my "kid" like that again!  His response: "I will if I feel like it."  I then let him know that if said son got a hotel room, I would be going with him.  That seemed to cool things a little, but my son and I did almost everything we could without including hubby after that, and we had a great time.  I was just grateful he was willing to stay, as there were other rocky times with hubby during the time he was here.  By the way, neither one of us got any apologies.  Obviously, we did have a conversation in which I told my son at least some of the things that were going on.  Son now thinks of him as a "miserable old man."  Sad, but probably true.  Son left for home yesterday, and I have plans to visit him for a short weekend next month.  Wondering if he'll ever want to stay here again.  Can't say that I'd blame him if he didn't.