Thank you for all the positive comments from my last post. However, I have never really felt like a "hero" for donating my kidney to my hubby. I have since wondered if I was maybe even a little selfish about the whole thing, as I felt if I gave him my kidney, I would get to keep him for many more years! I know this may sound weird to many of you reading this, but my thoughts and emotions over all this have always been complicated.
As things played out afterwards, I never really felt like my husband was the same person after the transplant. Instead of grabbing life and enjoying it for all it was worth the way I had hoped he now could, he became more anxiety-ridden, more agitated, and sugars were more out of control. ALL of these things can be caused my some of the anti-rejection meds he will have to take the rest of his life. (By the way, some transplant recipients BECOME diabetic after the transplant as a result of the meds they have to take!) But of course, he has to take these medicines in order not to reject his transplanted kidney. And in the meantime, more things have gone wrong physically over the years because of the diabetes. So on bad days, I really have to ask myself: did I help him or hurt him (and myself) by insisting he accept my kidney? Sometimes, I guess there are no easy answers . . .
Quality of life is as important as being alive it seems...courage to find a way to have a better quality of life is the key i guess but when it is not attainable for whatever reason it does make you question many things...hang in there. and thanks again for sharing your heartfelt experiences. You truly are amazing! HUG and LOVE
ReplyDeleteI still think you are amazing. Love is never selfish.
ReplyDeleteS
Thank you! :-)
ReplyDeleteI thinks it's one of those things. Your damned if you do and damned if you don't. But I think a lot of loving spouses would want to do whatever was in their control to keep the other one there.
ReplyDeleteYou are my hero. You did something I would not do. You did what you had to do at the moment with the knowledge and resources that were available to you at that time. No regrets. Don't think back. Just move forward, one step at a time!!!
ReplyDeleteDiabetes Wife,
ReplyDeleteYour comment makes me cry, but in a good way. Thank you.
Lilly
I still think you are very brave and loving.
ReplyDeleteLilly, back then, you were given a choice and you made it with love and hope. Today, life places you in a different situation. I believe there is an old saying, "If I knew then what I know today, I would have done things differently." people say that about everything from what they ate for dinner last night to getting caught doing something illegal when in college! You, on the other hand did something courageous and loving! Regret -- if in fact that is what you feel -- really only wastes your time -- be proud, look forward, and try to find one bit of joy in each day.
ReplyDeleteits all we wives (and everyone) can do.
Thank you, everyone. Also, thanks Tom's Wife for giving me a new perspective on this. It helps.
ReplyDelete