I am making plans to create an apartment for myself on the second floor of my dad's old farm house. Much needs to be done to make this happen, and it is daunting, but exciting at the same time. Also sad, as it means I will not be going back "home."
I do still care about my husband, but know I can't live in the same house with him anymore. I have had time to think about this: if his problems were all just physical, I would stay until the bitter end with no problem, as a part of me still loves him. But all of the toxic emotional stuff he has directed toward me over the years . . . I can't continue to be victimized by that, whether it is diabetic-related, mental illness, lousy attitude, just plain rage, or whatever. He cannot/will not change, so I have to.
A very good friend of mine told me a few months ago that I was not the
same person anymore, and she was right. I need to get the "me that was" back, but make myself better and stronger. I am starting to rediscover my passion for life, but still . . . the sadness is there. I guess because I so wanted a way to make things work between my husband and myself. So this is a new beginning with endless possibilities, but also an end to something I had passionately hoped for.
I am toying with the idea of a new "Starting Over" blog, but haven't made up my mind yet. If I do, I will post the link here.
I have been noticing for awhile that several of the "spouse of diabetic" blogs I was following have not posted in a very long time. Wonder what is happening with all of you? Hopefully, you are all okay!
