Saturday, April 21, 2012

Things to be thankful for

First of all, thank you for your comments on my last post.  Although I don't "know" my internet friends face to face, I do still consider you friends . . . and very much appreciate your support.  It helps tremendously.

Tom's Wife, you are correct that I have choices, and could make it on my own if I absolutely had to.  Thank you for your faith in me.   Diabetes Wife and Michael, thank you for your support as well.  I have responded to all your comments on my previous post.  I also have a friend I can actually talk to face to face, and she has pointed out some other choices I have besides just walking out and not coming back, as I'm not sure I'm ready to do that just yet . . .

I have already spoken to my brother about leaving some essentials at his house if I feel the need to sleep on his couch again.  I will be getting those things together this coming week.  That way, I know I will have what I need for work the next day, etc.   Thank God he is supportive, and "gets" what is going on.

As the weather is getting warmer, I am spending more time outdoors.  We have a wonderful deck in the back yard.  Hubby never goes out there.  A few days ago, I quietly went out to the deck and ate dinner on my own after he started grousing at me for not "letting him know" that I would be back in time for dinner.  I took a family member to an appointment and got home earlier than I had planned.   By the way, he had already gotten himself dinner; maybe he just wanted to complain?  The peace and quiet while watching and listening to our backyard birds and watching our dog happily romp around the yard was awesome.  When I finished eating, I swept the deck, pulled some weeds, and arranged our (well-used but still functional) outdoor furniture to my liking.  I stayed out there until it was dark, and enjoyed every minute.  I'm now thinking about how I may be able to build a simple, inexpensive fire pit in the back yard as well.

I'm also very fortunate to have a mostly finished basement.  He almost never goes to the basement, as it is hard for him to navigate the stairs.  With a few inexpensive, finishing touches, I could have an "apartment" down here with pretty much all but a bathroom.  I have often referred to the basement as my "woman cave," and it really is.  Most self-nurturing, indoor activities that I do at home are centered in the basement.  He has often made me feel guilty for spending so much time there, but I'm not going to allow him that power anymore.  What he sees as my "selfishness" is my recipe for maintaining my sanity.

I quietly moved a used microwave down here today that had been languishing in our garage.  Was able to eat a simple dinner by myself in comparative peace tonight, as he was upstairs ranting about life in general.  (Oh, by the way, our freezer is in the basement too and I already have a little coffee maker as well!)  He's in no danger of starving, as the upstairs refrigerator is well stocked. 

After sleeping for a solid 2 days and 2 nights, he got up around 3 this afternoon and was very nasty to me, saying I should have woken him up.  Honestly???  Isn't that his job?  Then he said his sugar level was at 75.  When I told him to eat something, he said no, he didn't feel like it, and if he didn't, maybe he could just die and make everyone happy.  Wow, how to respond to that?  I didn't try, but did move myself downstairs.

He hasn't passed out, so I know he got himself something.

Thinking I will be shopping for a small refrigerator next.  If this arrangement doesn't work, there is always our camper, which could be set up elsewhere.  May sound crazy, but it's nice to know that at least I do have some choices . . .


  1. Oh! I sold a party fridge today! Wish you had been here! I'd have given it to you for free!!! Having space of your own is absolutely essential! I'm totally scared that when we move into our retirement cottage - we are going to be too close. The good thing is that my mom's retirement center is just a couple of blocks away (if we get this little house) and I could escape there and sit and listen to the women tell the stories of their lives.

    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you!


  2. Great minds think alike! How funny. I'm continuing to pray that you get the ideal place for all your needs.

    Hope tomorrow is a good day for you as well!


  3. Sometimes all we can do is put one step in front of the other. Right now I am so overloaded with "stuff" that its all I can do is take one thing at a time and pray that I'm not missing the "big" things.

    Best of luck. We are into the best time of year - outside is wonderful -- and there is just nothing better than great family to help.

  4. Hi. Hope you have some peace. Think about the future and if you want or can cope with this type of life for the rest of his life which could also be the rest of your life.

    Things around here have calmed down a bit. H new meds have made a profound change in him. The new gi gave him a medication which has repaired his stomach lining and he feels good for the first time in almost 4 years!!!!! His new endo has taken him off a pile of drugs that have had nasty side effects which were prescribed to him by the prior gastro. He is doing mach better in many areas. I just hope and pray that his health continues to improve.

    A second opinion has helped us. Would your H consider getting one?

  5. Good to hear from you all. So glad to hear that things are going better for you and your hubby, SAR. As far as the "second opinion" for hubby, there have been many, many differing opinions, most of which don't address what is really wrong. Bottom line is that his worst problem is an emotional one. I could probably live with everyone else! And Tom's Wife, right now all I can do is put one foot in front of the other. I don't have the strength for anything else. As it is, my living circumstances changed drastically over the weekend. See my next post . . .