Maybe I'm mean for even feeling this way, but:
I would so love it if my husband could greet me when I walk in the door with something (anything!) other than telling me how bad he has felt all day, and how he couldn't get anything done. Does he think that lets him off the hook for not getting out of bed all day, or doing anything besides watching television? I find myself slipping into monosyllabic answers almost immediately, as I don't want to talk about his illness non-stop anymore. And if he's not talking about how lousy he feels, he is talking about something else he wants to buy that we don't need. Both topics of conversation upset and exhaust me . . . and if I try to actually discuss anything else with him, he will immediately disagree with what I am trying to tell him and I have to justify myself in some way. Also exhausting, and makes me angry! Oh, and most of his talking is still way too loud and non-stop. He blames it on his hearing aids not working, but he just got 2 brand new ones. What the heck? Have been spending more and more time away and in the basement after work, as he doesn't come down there very much. Does this make me a b***h? Sometimes I wonder . . .
Oh, Lily,
ReplyDeleteof course you are not a B** or any other kind of bad person!
and hopefully, neither is he, at heart
the disease has stolen him from you
who knows if its too late
but reading your posts, he is no longer trying to fight it
just fighting you
it is my thought that when the sugar gets too far out of whack, their brains become out of whack and they are not able to think clearly
its sort of like dementia - when old people start talking wild and crazy - we label it dementia and old and address it like that
Diabetics who act crazy when their sugar is out of range do the same thing -- and it puts the burden on us
the docs don't see it so we are the ones who are crazy! and we put up with it.
sometimes I'm not sure why.
sometimes, "love" just isn't enough....
good luck.
find joy where you can - at least you have a basement where you can "be away"
Know that you are not alone. I've been there many times.
ReplyDeleteTom's Wife and Diabetes Wife,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the positive comments. It has been so hard lately . . . :-(
Lilly