Monday, May 30, 2011

After the lull, comes the storm

Hubby slept (literally) for a day and a half.  All day yesterday, and got up about noon today.  He started talking about maybe going to the Memorial Day festivities which are held not too far away, and I quietly told him that I had thought we might go yesterday, but he never got out of bed.  I also let him know that the events he had wanted to go to are now over.  He countered with, "Well, if you wanted to go, you should have gotten me up!"  I told him it was "not my job" to get him up, and it was like I had lit a match to gasoline.  He started raging, and went through everything from "I should make sure he takes his pills when he doesn't get up," to "If that was the way I felt, he wouldn't bother making coffee in the morning anymore!"  Make coffee??? He hasn't been up to do that for 2 days.  He also said he might as well go back to bed, and I told him to go for it!  Of course, he didn't, and now he is stewing on the couch, of course with the TV on.  I was so mad, I also almost spilled the beans on what I did with his coffee.

After having "had enough," I have gradually changed his fully caffeinated coffee to half decaf.  My goal is to eventually have it ALL decaf, as the caffeine just makes him worse.  I know . . . I am a sneaky B**CH, but I just couldn't take it anymore.  I now have my own little coffee pot in the basement, which gets put away during the day when I am at work.  Somehow today, I don't feel the least bit guilty about it!

11 comments:

  1. Assuming for a moment that he would've likely had the same "rage" had you tried to get him up yesterday to attend the festivities, I can appreciate how much this sucks and I'm sorry for that Lilly. You're probably in a situation of "damned if you do, damned if you don't" and so that is just a total bummer. You deserve to be upset and frustrated. I can't understand what he goes through or what it must be like living with that, so my heart goes out to you both. Hope it calms down and doesn't get all to stormy in the near future.

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  2. Michael,
    Yes, I am DEFINITELY damned either way! Usually if I attempt to get him up when he is that "gone," it does not go well. Thank you for getting how much this majorly sucks. There are never any easy answers, but I stand by my conviction that it is NOT my job to make sure he gets up on any given day.

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  3. It is a choice between two evils. You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. I know. My H is passive aggressive and everything falls on me. he will not lift a finger. Getting H moving is very hard. I don't know what has exactly caused it, probably a combo of everything that is wrong with him, but he has slowed down and does less and less and sleeps more. The sleep offers me some respite and I try to take advantage of it. I sure do no want to go to sleep for the night at 8 or 9 pm when he is out cold.

    He is also very demanding as far as what to watch on tv. I just gave up and watch what I want when I want to in another room.

    H drinks tons of caffeine too and demands it. I just give in. I do that now with food. I refuse to be the food police.

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  4. Try #2
    Lilly, you are SO not responsible for waking him up! He is an adult and responsible for his own behavior.

    As for the coffee! Frankly, I never understood how anyone really tells the difference in taste -- is there really one? or is it all in the head? I think your strategy is great.

    I'm sorry he messed up your weekend - Memorial Day should be the first great weekend of summer - its a bummer that he didn't give you the opportunity to celebrate as you would have liked.

    Maybe July 4th will be better -- we can only hope......

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  5. I'm sorry you had a day like this. I hate the no win situations.

    However, hats off to you for the coffee switch.

    S

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  6. You're right. It's not. And I gather you've done that and beyond in the past, even in those times when it wasn't your job but you were more able and willing to do it. Can't imagine what it's like being in your shoes when that happens, and as much sympathy your DH may get from the very state of his health these days, that's no excuse for the type of behavior you describe. It's not a free pass... Anyhow, best your way Lilly.

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  7. You said it correctly. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful information specifically the last part :) I care for such info a lot. Thank you.

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  8. Might as well...yup let him sleep...you are an amazing woman and need to have a break. HUGS and LOVE. XOXOXOOX

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  9. Hi Lilly,

    FYI: I let tom'swife know I got the same exact message from "technology news". I wonder if TN is leaving this same message with all of the sister wives or everyone on blogspot.

    S

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  10. Thanks for all your comments. Once again, you have all succeeded in making me feel better! Also, "technology news," welcome to my blog. :-) Always glad to have another reader.

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  11. S,
    Hmmm . . . interesting. Thanks for letting me know.
    Lilly

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