Thursday, January 20, 2011

Fighting my own depression

Realized I haven't posted for awhile.  Have just been very down.  There have been a couple social events that hubby and I have gone to, and things have not gone well.  I am so tired of the sudden "turns" in his demeanor when he is too high or too low (or maybe sometimes it's just his personality?), and the ensuing arguments about stupid, meaningless stuff.  Later, he acts as if nothing has happened, and there is never an apology.  His denial just makes me more angry!

Got away for a few hours after work with a girlfriend to go clothes shopping and get dinner afterwards last week.  It felt so good to do this, as there was no drama involved with hubby.  She and I agreed we need to do this more often, as it is good for both of us. 

But of course, I always have to go back home, and there is always another argument about something that makes no sense.  Sometimes, I don't know who's being mean to who, as it just makes me so exhausted, and I want it to end.  I often end up holing up in my bedroom or in my "woman cave" in the basement.   No, this is not the way I envisioned my life!

To my "sisters" out there: forgive my negative vibes, but hopefully you understand.

 To Diabetes Wife:  May everything go well with your husband's surgery today!

2 comments:

  1. It is hard to think rationally when you are dealing with an irrational person...your out of control sugarwise spouse...keep doing the girl outing things and reevaluate what you want from the relationship that is obviously causing you so much confusion. Sounds like a dose of reality but I have been there and until my hubby was put on antidepressants and retired and started working on getting the diabetes and all the other health problems under control I was wondering what the heck just happened all the time too. HUGS and LOVE. You are rational, he is not. It is NOT you! LOVE YA.

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  2. Sorry wives--just had to get it all out and too long...
    Last week our son came home from school to find his Dad unconscious on the floor while I was working at my part-time job--with a college degree, it is all I can afford to be away from him. Little guy knew enough to test his blood sugar--it was 27. Happens alot when I am not here to remind him or do it myself.
    I have a very strong faith and know that God has gotten me through all of this and yes, I usually am the one with a smile and some how find the strength to laugh about it all but just feel so sad, angry and resentful all the time. At 44 I know my life is over--for the next 30 years I will have to take care of my husband in every way.
    I read the comment about sex going away and can certainly relate to that--not sure I'd have the energy anyway. Our latest issue is incontinence--every time my husband lays down, he loses control of his bladder so I spend most of the night changing depends, sheets and underwear. I know how hard that is for him but he falls down if he tries to do it himself and he is scratched and bruised from the bathroom floor so I do this as quietly as possible and without complaint to try and help him with the emotional aspect of that condition. Urologist can't seem to tell us anything...
    Thank you ladies, from the very bottom of my heart for giving me a place to vent and to not feel so all alone.
    God Bless You.

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